Spoiler alert: this post deals in generalities. Every individual is different, and I will be one of the first to say that many men exhibit the qualities identified as "generally" feminine, while many women exhibit the qualities identified here as "generally" masculine. The idea is to know our differences, work with them, and celebrate them in relationship. Celebrating differences is the basis for this post.
My wife is a Marketing Executive who is fond of saying "There are so many little things that cost nothing, or next to nothing, that mean so much to people. It is crazy that companies don't take advantage of ‘the little things’ for their clients and their employees..."
The same applies to building an environment at home that can become a place of peace, relaxation, and re-charging. One example of a low-cost 'little-thing' is touching base during the workday.
Ladies, men generally see this action very differently from women. See my recent post on "Where are you?" and "Why should I tell you?" for some explanation as to why that might be.
Men, women generally tend to be more connection focused than men, while men tend to be more achievement focused. So men will generally tend to focus on what works - what is most effective; whereas women will generally tend to focus on how the task is accomplished (how it is experienced relationally) in terms of it's impact on those involved and those affected.
Men will tend to go to work, put their head down, get the job done, and avoid any distractions to that end (keep in mind this is a generality, my wife is very good at putting her head into the work and coming up for air some hours later).
Women, in general, like to know they are not alone as they face their days (keep in mind that men do too, to a lesser degree: I still like hearing from my wife during the day).
For a man, the task of 'checking-in' with someone can bring up teen-aged images of calling mom to let her know we aren't misbehaving. This image can do horrible damage to a peer-trust relationship like marriage.
The best picture I have found to describe what quick touch-points are about for most women is illustrated by a group of soldiers or first-responders entering an unknown location, one hand on their equipment and the other hand on the shoulder of the team-mate in front of them. Having that touch lets the person in front focus on their job, knowing someone has their back. Another example is a military team going into dangerous territory radio in at regular intervals to let base know all is well. These quick connections, or "pings," are not constant phone connection, or every 2 minutes, which could compromise the mission; but they are every few (2-4) hours during the course of a day.
Sending a text, or a call, or even a quick email, can be that "touch on the shoulder" that comforts your partner that someone is there and has their back. A text of 'heart symbol' and capital 'U" takes 5 seconds (if you type very slowly) and can give so much encouragement to a person who is in the midst of calming the tantrums of a 3 year old, 3 clients, or 3 board members.
I know everyone’s situation is different. If you want more information on how you might develop your home into a place of peace and recuperation, contact our clinic at 469-660-8620, or on line at
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